1. Focus on what you truly love.
For instance, it turns out I really love picking at my skin when I start to think about my past, present or future.
2. Delete your Facebook.
Actually, delete all social media. Leave group texts. Really, if you can compare heart reacts on a platform, you’ve invited the devil into your heart.
3. Spend time with friends who are not competitive.
But try not to think about the fact that they’re better at being non-competitive than you are.
4. Apply or audition for more opportunities.
But then just go ahead and block the contact who would reject you and forget you ever tried. If they really want you, they’ll call you. Come to your home? Put a fortune in a cookie? Trust the universe.
5. Throw away your scale.
More importantly, burn all of your clothes with judgmental sizes. “Small,” “Medium,” “Large.” Oh, the fashion industry thinks they can judge my body from their luxe rayon-blend towers?
6. Crush your mirror, selfie cam, and reflective surfaces such as computer screens.
You don’t need to see yourself. You’re great. Job interview? If your hair is meant to look good, it will find a way.
7. Just don’t look at or talk to people.
Especially not people who you admire. Your admiration will make you question if they admire you less. Or not at all. Oh, no, what if it’s not at all?
8. Bury yourself in a hole
But, like, be sure not to look at anyone else’s hole on the way to your plot, because, like, what if they’re nicer?
In your hole, it will be cool and quiet, which is a comparatively nice way to spend eternity, isn’t it?