Trash can full of memories

Last night I cleaned out my closet where I shove everything I don’t know what to do with. I found approximately 8 toll bills (whoops), 20 Anthropologie catalogs, a broken Roku remote, about a thousand loose Ikea screws, and as many relics of past lives. Read More


I put a feminist requirement in my OKCupid “message me if” so you don’t have to!

I re-activated my OKCupid account after a breakup in April and have been passively checking occasional messages ever since. One thing I did add in my post-breakup haste was add something to the “message me if” section. I’d stopped using this section years ago after realizing any information provided led to a trashfire of an inbox, but like in every breakup, you come away with new things to DEMAND in your next partner, and I had some DEMANDS. Read More

“Feeling alone is a fact of life”

When I was in college, I spent a year in Germany, and it was the loneliest period of my life. In a country where I had no support network, didn’t speak the language, and was cold all of the time, I could find little purchase for love or joy. I was so depressed that I pushed away the only people who I could feel close to because it was all I could think or talk about. Read More

My first ever comedic essay

People often ask, how did you get into comedy? I have a bunch of answers to that, but generally I respond thusly: my senior year of college I took a creative writing course with a personal essay component, and I did really well. My teacher told me she “fell off her stool laughing.” It felt like something I had a knack for.

Well, this month in prepping for a show I reread that essay, and it was GARBAGE. In down time at work while I wait for pages to load, I have slowly re-written it, deleting 3 pages, adding 2, over and over. Below is some semblance of what made me think I was good enough to try stand up comedy.

Lol. Read More

Party in the USA: Annotated

Happy President’s Day! A reminder of our current ridiculous situation, as well as all of the ignoble deeds previous presidents have begotten. In honor of this great American holiday, and also as a form of pure escapism, I have annotated the lyrics to Miley Cyrus’s 2009 hit, Party in the USA. Read More