Katie Stone

I re-activated my OKCupid account after a breakup in April and have been passively checking occasional messages ever since. One thing I did add in my post-breakup haste was add something to the “message me if” section. I’d stopped using this section years ago after realizing any information provided led to a trashfire of an inbox, but like in every breakup, you come away with new things to DEMAND in your next partner, and I had some DEMANDS. Read More

I took an hours increase at work and it’s about to REVOLUTIONIZE MY LIFE. Oh, baby! A couple hundred extra a month? It’s all going to change now. Sure, I’ve got some credit card debt to pay, but with a 30% increase I should be able to buy all of the things I’ve ever wanted by the end of 2017:

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When I was in college, I spent a year in Germany, and it was the loneliest period of my life. In a country where I had no support network, didn’t speak the language, and was cold all of the time, I could find little purchase for love or joy. I was so depressed that I pushed away the only people who I could feel close to because it was all I could think or talk about. Read More

In 2017, I’ve heard an inordinate amount of men mention “and also, I don’t like watching the Bachelor with you” in break-ups. I understand that deciding whether to participate in a Bachelor watch party can be difficult for a devoted lover, and want to provide resources to confused men.

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Wake up, tired.

Open closet.

Take out turquoise unit. Read More

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There is some debate over whether women demanding equality should also expect to go Dutch on the first date. While it may seem like a no brainer, there is extremely clear logic explaining why some otherwise-feminists still expect the man to pay: they do not want to. Read More

People often ask, how did you get into comedy? I have a bunch of answers to that, but generally I respond thusly: my senior year of college I took a creative writing course with a personal essay component, and I did really well. My teacher told me she “fell off her stool laughing.” It felt like something I had a knack for.

Well, this month in prepping for a show I reread that essay, and it was GARBAGE. In down time at work while I wait for pages to load, I have slowly re-written it, deleting 3 pages, adding 2, over and over. Below is some semblance of what made me think I was good enough to try stand up comedy.

Lol. Read More

Happy President’s Day! A reminder of our current ridiculous situation, as well as all of the ignoble deeds previous presidents have begotten. In honor of this great American holiday, and also as a form of pure escapism, I have annotated the lyrics to Miley Cyrus’s 2009 hit, Party in the USA. Read More