Last night I cleaned out my closet where I shove everything I don’t know what to do with. I found approximately 8 toll bills (whoops), 20 Anthropologie catalogs, a broken Roku remote, about a thousand loose Ikea screws, and as many relics of past lives. Read More
I re-activated my OKCupid account after a breakup in April and have been passively checking occasional messages ever since. One thing I did add in my post-breakup haste was add something to the “message me if” section. I’d stopped using this section years ago after realizing any information provided led to a trashfire of an inbox, but like in every breakup, you come away with new things to DEMAND in your next partner, and I had some DEMANDS. Read More
I took an hours increase at work and it’s about to REVOLUTIONIZE MY LIFE. Oh, baby! A couple hundred extra a month? It’s all going to change now. Sure, I’ve got some credit card debt to pay, but with a 30% increase I should be able to buy all of the things I’ve ever wanted by the end of 2017:
When I was in college, I spent a year in Germany, and it was the loneliest period of my life. In a country where I had no support network, didn’t speak the language, and was cold all of the time, I could find little purchase for love or joy. I was so depressed that I pushed away the only people who I could feel close to because it was all I could think or talk about. Read More
In 2017, I’ve heard an inordinate amount of men mention “and also, I don’t like watching the Bachelor with you” in break-ups. I understand that deciding whether to participate in a Bachelor watch party can be difficult for a devoted lover, and want to provide resources to confused men.
There is some debate over whether women demanding equality should also expect to go Dutch on the first date. While it may seem like a no brainer, there is extremely clear logic explaining why some otherwise-feminists still expect the man to pay: they do not want to. Read More
People often ask, how did you get into comedy? I have a bunch of answers to that, but generally I respond thusly: my senior year of college I took a creative writing course with a personal essay component, and I did really well. My teacher told me she “fell off her stool laughing.” It felt like something I had a knack for.
Well, this month in prepping for a show I reread that essay, and it was GARBAGE. In down time at work while I wait for pages to load, I have slowly re-written it, deleting 3 pages, adding 2, over and over. Below is some semblance of what made me think I was good enough to try stand up comedy.
Lol. Read More
Happy President’s Day! A reminder of our current ridiculous situation, as well as all of the ignoble deeds previous presidents have begotten. In honor of this great American holiday, and also as a form of pure escapism, I have annotated the lyrics to Miley Cyrus’s 2009 hit, Party in the USA. Read More
